Billie Sucher Weblog

Meeting of the Minds

As an outplacement professional, I have worked with hundreds of men and women who have lost their jobs. One of the initial areas of concern, among others, is how to communicate being jobless with family members -- what do I say? Do I wait for them to ask? Do I simply avoid the subject as days become weeks of unemployment? Here's an idea that you and your family may find of value: family meetings. Perhaps you're already holding them, however, if you aren't, maybe now would be a good time to consider starting such an activity.

What is a family meeting, you may wonder, as it relates to being between jobs? A family meeting is similar to any other meeting where information is exchanged for a common purpose. Listed below are a few ground rules, along with a few benefits of family meetings:

Ground Rules:

1. Team participation and buy-in are both important and necessary to be successful. Advise family members of the date and time of the family meeting so that all members are present. For starters, plan on about 60 minutes for the family meeting. If your family has four members, for example, each person will have about 15 minutes of air time to share what's going on in their world, what's right, what's wrong, what their needs are and how members can provide help and support.
2. Only one person at a time speaks and shares what's on his / her mind.
3. No interruptions when a family member is speaking.
4. Listen carefully for points you might wish to clarify after the family member has spoken. (Take a notepad and pen to the family meeting, just as you would any other business meeting.)
5. No passes allowed -- all members are expected to contribute as a valued member of the team, whether they're seven or 67.
6. Honest, straightforward communication is encouraged -- that means no dancing around important family-related information or issues.
7. Create an open, trusting and respectful environment where family members are comfortable in sharing.
8. Refrain from non-verbal communication that is negative or inappropriate. (Rolling eyeballs, raised eyebrows and groans of boredom are not helpful.)
9. You don't have to agree with what is being said...you just have to agree to listen.
10. You cannot leave if you don't like what your team member is saying.
11. Questions can be asked by any family member once the speaker has concluded his/her presentation.
12. No yelling, no screaming allowed.
13. Preserve confidentiality...what's said in your family meeting isn't fodder for Facebook.
14. Communicate appreciation and thanks for attending the family meeting.
15. Make closing remarks and announce date / time of the next family meeting.

Potential Benefits/Value:

Should you start holding family meetings, only you and your family can determine the ultimate value and benefit. In general, though, you may find that this family meeting strategy can:

• create an intentional venue for more open lines of communication within your family system, especially during periods of employment transition.
• build improved relationships among family members through a spirit of we're all on the same page vs. I have no clue what's going on with him / her.
• serve as a springboard for success in other areas of your life by learning how to communicate and contribute in constructive ways (even if you're put on the spot!) Think: hot seat / interviewing!
• foster an attitude of teamwork and cooperation to achieve goals and manage challenges.
• provide an opportunity to show one another that we're family and we're in this together.
• offer accountability -- you can help one another get what you want and need to succeed.
• bring you closer together instead of drive you farther apart.
• give you a chance to share when things are going right, not just when things are going wrong.
• forge positive working relationships, a skill that can last a lifetime, be it in the living room, classroom, conference room or interview room. Meetings are meetings.
• make you feel more connected to what matters most in today's world of constant change, challenge and choice.

Job Seekers: Come Monday, It'll Be Alright

Out and about over the weekend, I saw a sign in a store that said:

Everyone's home for the holidays -- I'll be in therapy on Monday!

I chuckled to myself and thought yep, pretty much. Seriously, if you're a job seeker, do you find the holidays stress-free or stressful? You know, when Grandma asks "don't you have a job yet, Missie?" or when Uncle Harold chimes in "You know, son, you better take what you can get in this economy" or how your third cousin twice removed tells you about her three-week getaway to Somewhere and "oh, you must come by and see our new..."

Stress. What is stress, anyway?

According to Merriam-Webster, one definition of stress is: d: a state resulting from a stress: especially: one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium...

In graduate school, I recall studying Hans Selye and the discovery of stress. I also remember learning about types of stress, specifically distress and eustress and how stress can be "good" or "bad." As a job seeker, what strategies do you employ to manage stress of either variety during the holiday season? Listed below are a few coping strategies to help with the "dis" side of stress:

1. Come up with the line you feel comfortable in sharing when well-intentioned people ask about your job search. If you're struggling with what to say, here's an idea to help you...just fill in the blanks to suit your situation:

"Thanks for asking, Aunt Mable, about my job search...please keep me in mind if you hear of opportunities in the financial services industry where experience in project management, customer support and team leadership contribute to improved employee productivity and client retention." (Aunt Mable may not have a lead for you, but at least you sound like you have your act together - sort of)

2. Exercise. Take walks. Work out. If you don't belong to a health or fitness club right now, concrete works! Hit the pavement. Walk off the stress if your knees, back, hips and ankles are up to it. It will help your head and you might drop a couple of extra pounds and look better for the interview.

3. When someone engages you in conversation about how bad this is, how terrible that is and how things are getting worse, not better, why not mention something positive and steer your chat in another direction. As my daughter says...I'm just sayin.

4. Watch funny movies. Check them out at your local library if you're a member. It won't change the fact that you don't have a job, but it could be a welcome relief to hear yourself laugh!

5. Read a book about job search -- ask guests at the holiday gathering for their ideas and recommendations.

6. Browse the Internet for interesting blog posts on how to survive the holidays while looking for a job.

7. Volunteer in your local community. Check out volunteer organizations online. Ask around -- who needs a helping hand, especially during the holidays? (Volunteering is a wonderful way to share your gifts and talents and the person you meet volunteering today could well be the person who's hiring you tomorrow.)

8. Make holiday gifts instead of buying them. You don't have to spend a lot of money to give a priceless gift. For example, at Mother's Day this year, I advised each of our children that the only thing I'd like from them, if they chose to give me a gift, was "Lessons from Mom" in their handwriting. Both daughters offered beautiful written pieces that I love to hold, read and re-read. Our son didn't have time to write anything (he got a pass - he's in law school) but on that special day, he told me, in person, "Five Things I've Learned From You, Mom."

9. Bake something this holiday season and share it! I really don't enjoy cooking, but I love to bake, especially for the holidays. Remember the scene in Grey's Anatomy when Izzy baked and baked muffins to relieve stress?

10. Call, email, text or DM someone in your circle this holiday season..."Just wanted to say hey (hello / hi) and to thank you for being my friend"...

Wishing you a safe and Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for reading!

"Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one." ~ Hans Selye

Tough Questions From 2009 Job Seekers

If you have been reading my posts over on Career Hub since I started contributing three-plus years ago, you know that I make lists of random stuff. Throughout 2009, I have been asked some tough questions by job seekers...most of them questions I haven't been asked in prior years. As 2009 draws to a close, I thought I would post a few of these FAQ's from job seekers:

1. Where can I find a job?

2. How long will it take me to find a job?

3. When will some new jobs be created?

4. How can I stand out when 200 or 300 people are applying for the same job?

5. How will I pay my insurance, house/car payment when I don't have a job?

6. Is anyone listening to today's job seeker besides people like you who are getting paid for it?

7. Does anyone really care that there are millions of people who don't have a job?

8. When will things get back to normal?

9. I need help but I don't have money to pay you...what should I do?

If you follow my posts, you know that I'm a very upbeat, optimistic, always-looking-on-the-bright-side-no-matter-what-sort of person. That said, these are simply real questions from real people who really want to get back to work. They're of all ages, all backgrounds, educated, smart, capable, and talented people asking tough questions in 2009.

Just Slip Out the Back, Jack

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free ~ Paul Simon

If you have ever lost a job, you may recall that day, that moment, that hour with great clarity. My termination happened on a pretty, warm sunny morning in July...a lot of days and years ago. I remember the day so well. I remember the shoes I was wearing. I remember the outfit I had worn to work that day. I was driving an old red VW bug at the time ~ the guy who fired me called it a "hippie car" or sometimes, he would refer to my vehicle as a "dinky."

Upon my employment demise with him, he instructed me to get in my "dinky" and get out of his office. (I got fired for a pretty lame reason, now that I look back. I worked for the president of a company....most days he told me I was the best executive assistant he'd ever employed in 50 years...and then, there was the day, I "crossed the line." He gave me a nickle per hour raise...it upset me. I went to the "Personnel" Manager (currently known as HR) and said I would like a dime instead of a nickel. The next morning, I knew I was done and toast and over and history when I heard the buzzer. I just knew it. When my boss wanted me to come into his office, he would push a buzzer that would sound at my desk. Hey, I had studied psychology and I was very aware of Pavlov and the dog tricks!) And that July morning so many years ago, I heard the buzzer for one last time.

There are many ways to find out you no longer have employment and that your "services are no longer needed." These are a few of the ways that my clients (or prospects) have told me they have lost their job ~ times have changed, indeed:

* My Regional Manager texted me and said that my position was being eliminated...

* My boss emailed me while I was on vacation....the subject line read "Urgent Message"...

* My supervisor left me a voice message indicating changes were being made...

* My manager sent me an overnight express letter announcing my release from the organization...

* My boss let me go the day he took me out for lunch to discuss my annual performance review...

There is no good time to lose your job. There is no perfect way to be told this information. All I know is that I am pretty sure and certain I would not be sitting here at this laptop writing you this blog post had I not been fired those many years ago. There is life after job loss; I started over...you can, too...you just keep telling yourself that, until...

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." ~ George Eliot

These Hands

Today is Job Action Day and I have been thinking about all the different types of jobs people do and pursue. In our own distinct style and manner, we each get to share our many gifts, talents and abilities in a myriad of ways to serve others. I have also been thinking that we get to do these many jobs using our hands, our head and even our heart, if we so choose. Just the other day, I received the loveliest poem about hands. In this poem, perhaps you will recognize yourself, your co-worker, your mother, or your friend. The poem brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It is written by our eldest daughter -- some of you may know her...

These Hands

These hands are of a woman

show certain signs of age

of wisdom past a child

as time has turned the page.

These hands have felt the earth

and toiled in the sand

covered by ocean tide

touched sunrise in another land.

These hands have sewn seeds of change

through service and care

these hands have held passports to the future

coming, going, here and there.

These hands are strong yet soft

show assertion but can be meek

take mine and I'll be strong

I'll need yours when I am weak.

These hands have praised His name

and slammed when frustrations ran high

they have welcomed in old friends

and waved to a passerby.

These hands have wiped tears of joy and heartache

held sides in fits of laughter

have been worked to the bone

then spa treated after.

These hands have clapped for family

cheered on friends and

shook with perfect strangers

they have touched smooth silk, course palms

brushed with ecstasy and flirted with danger.

These hands were made with purpose

a unique design indeed

to create, produce and celebrate the beauty

that is individually me.

These hands are of a woman

while only two and slight

they know only of possibilities

dead ends nowhere in sight.

These hands are of a woman

for what there is to come

she designs a landscape of her own

limitations there are none.

These hands are of a woman

set the world free

take your hands Oh Woman

take them and dare to be...

written by Sarah R. Sucher, 9/17/09

Happy Job Action Day 2009!